What change do you wish to experience in your life right now? What do you what to do or experience differently and therefore resistance is popping up ?
It always seems to show up when something big is about to happen! So, what can we do about it? It turns out, there are 11 specific times to expect resistance as well as six steps you can take to overcome it.
Resistance is really fear, and self-doubt and procrastinating. It can show up in the form of addiction. It can show up as distractions. It can show up by being timid. It can show by being egotistical and narcissistic. It can show up by being self-loathing. It can show up through perfectionism. And I’ve seen this in all of my clients in one way or another. It either shows up in fear which leaves them unmoving or self-doubt where they believe they must have something that’s missing. Constant procrastination. Usually they have some kind of addiction weather it’s to lovers or to narcotics or food or alcohol. Distractions in their life; a lot of times it’s in the form of other family members needing their care. Being timid and slow, or, having such a strong ego that they can’t even receive the support or get through the challenge and a lot of self-loathing and perfectionism. Self-loathing like, never ending healing journeys, and perfectionism like not putting themselves out there because they don’t have things perfectly.
So, lots of different forms of resistance is one of the enemy’s, of moving forward in your life. Second, is too much rational thought. Not enough intuition, not enough belief in magic, Overly obsessed with the brain and rational thought….Total Enemy!!! And then it’s friends and family, the final one, and the whole reason around that is that our friends and family are what keep us held so tight to our ‘old’ identities.
And I want to talk about what resistance is and so we can notice it and know how to work with it so it’s not the stopping point for us….and we can keep moving and get to the other side of this. I know that in the moment these new concepts can seem so challenging to integrate and feel so difficult. Most times we just want to stay the same, but by harvesting the same seeds in the same soil over and over again, is only creating a lack of nutritiousness and love and pleasure in your life and by planting new soil in a new season and giving it time and space to occur is what we’re meant to do…but how can we manage Not to Suffer while going through this…And, that’s the beauty of grieving. We need to get good at grieving because there’s so much letting go that has to happen in our lives. And, when we get better at letting go, we get better at not suffering in life. And we get better at feeling more consistent joy…no matter the change or no matter the challenge. And grieving is really about Being with What Is! And accepting what is, and allowing yourself to have feelings….to grieve letting go of the way things have always been.
It might help to create a ritual around letting go. Allow yourself to sit and cry about all the things that are changing so you can get excited about what’s coming.
So by acknowledging when resistance comes up, and when it’s going to be at its peak….because when you know when it’s coming, you’ll know that nothing’s wrong, and it’s just part of the process. And it’s to be expected. And then you can actually catch it even better too….So there are 11 times, when you can guarantee in your life resistance is going to come, or 11 scenarios.
The first is any time you pursue any kind of calling in your life, whether it’s writing, or painting, or music, or film, or dance, or art, whether it’s a small endeavor or a Huge endeavor, resistance is going to arise.
The second, is any time you try to launch Any kind of entrepreneurial venture or any kind of enterprise that’s for profit or for pleasure.
And the third is of course, you know this: Any diet ! Any time you try to shift your health in some way, resistance will come.
The fourth is any kind of program that you do or devotion that you make to spiritual advancement.
The fifth is any activity that’s goal is to chisel, or get better or define a greater existence in some form such as your abdominals.
The sixth is Any course or program that you take that’s designed to overcome a habit or an addiction.
The seventh is Education, of every kind.
The eight is any kind act of political, or moral, or ethical courage, and that can include the decision to change something for the better some unworthy thought or conduct in yourself or in society.
The ninth is The undertaking of any enterprise or endeavor whose aim is to help other people.
Number 10 is Any act that asks you to commit your heart! Like, the decision to get married, or to have a children, or to weather a rocky patch in a relationship in your life,
And finally, Eleven is the taking of any principled stand in the face of adversity.
So, when I look at that list, that I first found and read through Do The Work by Stephen Pressfield, I realized that I’m constantly going through almost all of those! Right Now! At least 8 of the 11 are in this scenario of attempting to change my beliefs about the world and myself and help others, particularly women to do the same, and for the last 7 years women who have also been going through at least 8 of these at the same time. And, pretty much Any time, we go after Anything that rejects getting immediate gratification, in favor of long-term growth or health, or integrity, you can expect that you’re gonna bump up against resistance.
And so then, the question becomes: What do we need to know about resistance to recognize it, and then what do we do?
So, a few things to note: If you’re going through any of those 11 things, resistance is absolutely going to pop up or already has, and the other thing to know is, it’s invisible. Resistance can’t be seen, it can’t be heard, it can’t be touched, it can’t be smelled….but it can be felt! We experience it as an energy field, radiating from the idea of potential. And it’s like this repelling force, that has a negative energy, and the aim of this energy is to just shove us away or to distract us or to prevent us from moving forward.
The other thing is, resistance is insidious. It’s going to reason with you like a lawyer at a trial. It’s going to shove a gun in your face and say, you’re gonna die, this is too hard, turn around and run the other way! That’s what it feels like and we have to be able to chat back at the chatty egotistical lawyer with our own firm law making. And we have to be able to stare that bullet in the face and walk away with pride and confidence. Resistance is Mind Chatter! It is Not our Real thoughts. It is not what’s really possible, it is not our intuition, it is not factual, it’s CHATTER, that comes from an unconscious place. And, it’s also impersonal. Resistance isn’t out to get you personally. It doesn’t know who you are. It doesn’t care about the actual thing you’re going after or the results. It doesn’t even know the potential of that thing. But, it’s a force of nature, and, it acts objectively. And, it operates with the indifference of rain or shine. But, it’s under its own law. And its there with the idea that in some form, it’s going to protect you from something that it doesn’t know anything about, and this is true, every time it pops up! And the other thing to really note about resistance, is that it’s Universal! We’re wrong if we think we’re the only ones struggling with it. Every one, who has a body, experiences resistance! And it never sleepsL The fear doesn’t go away. It’s more that, when we are able to embrace our fierceness, the openness of our hearts, the necessity of our mission, and bring that every day, it overrides the fear….but the fear doesn’t go away. And there’s no one living without resistance or fear. No one! No one you can thing of…Oprah Winfrey, Donald Trump, Jesus! Everybody experiences resistance. And, resistance really aims to kill. It aims to shut you down. And it’s your job, not to let it win. And some of the ways that we can do that, are to also to recognize the other pieces…the other pieces that stand right next to resistance…Rational thoughts, and instead, we want to work from our Inner self, and our Intuition and our Instinct and our unconscious. And family and friends, because the last thing we want to do is remain as we are. So we have to prepare ourselves to make new friends, to invite new mentors, and they will appear….and when they appear, you have to allow yourself to invest in that relationship and to trust.
So our Allies against resistance, against friends and family who want us to stay the same are….Six things:
- Being a little stupid. Not actually knowing all the details of the new endeavor. I’ll say more about that in a minute.
- Being persistent and stubborn!
- Having blind faith.
- Having passion and purpose.
- Receiving support.
- Friends and family.
Friends and family are your allies as much as they are your enemy. So, what I mean by this, and how we can work together through resistance are through these principles. Working through resistance every step of the way.
So, Staying Stupid. I Really mean, think about children, they have no trouble believing the unbelievable. Nor does a genius or the Mad Hatter…it’s only those of us stuck in resistance with our Big Brains and our Tiny Hearts who doubt and over think and hesitate. So we have to stop thinking and we have to start acting from an intuitive aligned place. You have to flex the muscle of your intuition, because that is the gift you’re born with if you have a women’s body, with hormones and cycles that are synced up to nature and the moon, you know how to think instinctually. You Know how to act in the moment. Your wisdom comes from so much farther and beyond what your brain could even hold. And so next, you have to take that wisdom, and be stubborn. And be persistent. Because, once you devote yourself and commit yourself, to action, the Only thing that can harm you is if you stop. And the only thing that will keep you from stopping, is just good old being stubborn. I’m not talking about being a perfectionist. I’m talking about seeking excellence and having a standard for yourself and a stubbornness that says I Will Not be stubborn. And blind faith is your best friend. Our biggest ally is believing something we cannot see or hear, or touch or taste or feel. And really believing in it so much that it keeps us going. And that leads to your passion, like Picasso or Mozart or a child, in the way that they can play all day long. You may think that you’ve lost your passion, or you can’t identify it, or that you have so much of it that it threatens to overwhelm you. But none of these are true. It’s Fear that takes away your passion. And when you concur your fear, you discover that there is limitlessness! That there is bottomlessness. That there’s an inexhaustible well of passion that you can pull from.
And receiving support is vital! I have witnessed this in my own life. You can only get so far being the lone warrior with those first steps. And the next step is actually Receiving support. Having a mentor in your life and having allies that surround you and support you and getting to that next level. And that’s what I’ve done and what I do with my personal clients…going through that breakthrough holding hands. You try to do it as a lone warrior, you’ll get stuck in that will be your upper limit and that’s as far as your passion and vision can take you.
And finally, friends and family. The only two things that remain, are your inherent genius, and the hearts we love. That’s the only two things that remain. And your family and the relationships in your life, if you Teach them who you’re becoming, if you invite them along in the healing, you heal those relationships, if you teach them how to treat you, if you allow new friends and new family, new mentors to come in, and cultivate relationships consciously…you Will get to the other side of resistance. You Will achieve the vision. There is Nothing stopping you. And the main thing that I’ve noticed in anything where I’ve actually overcome intense resistance and have gotten to the other side of an incredible success in my life, and it comes from starting before I feel ready. Really, Beginning. Leaning into these pillars I just shared with you, Stupidity and stubbornness, and faith, Blind faith, and passion and purpose and support and friends and family, like my life depends on it, because it does! Because I refuse to stay in a mediocre pattern. I refuse to be a part of this outdated structure of human living and taking care of our planet.
And I’d love to hear from you, and to know which one those forms of resistance is coming up for you is it addiction, perfectionism, self-loathing? Or is it rational thoughts, or friends or family, and, what’s the main pillar that you can lean on right now….the main ally, that you haven’t tried yet. That you haven’t embodied yet. That you haven’t put into practice, and bringing that on board. Do you need to be a little bit more naive? Do you need to get a little more stubborn? Do you need to have more faith and trust, and stop trying to control. Do you need to remember and source your passion? Do you need support? Do you need friends and family? Which one of those can you lean into most?
Thank you for your patience and listening to me today, I’d love to hear from you… Send me a direct message, let me know what came up for you in relationship to resistance….and I am here to support you if you are ready to take your health to the next level, so you have the energy and verve for living to do all the things you are longing to do in this one beautiful life. I’d love to hear from you. There’s a link attached to this video if you’d like to schedule a free Total Body Transformation session with me.
Namaste, and Good Luck with your new relationship to resistance!