I am having an awesome day!
Granted I go looking for it and I find it but I can honestly say that I literally have no bad days, and that includes all the negative emotions and things…I still make peace with all of that as well…and today, is the best day ever, I am waiting on pins and needles for our new grand baby to be born:)! So, I hope you are having an amazing day, like seriously, an Amazing Day! Is my wish for you. Today, I’m going to talk to you about Self-Image. This concept will help you, have many more amazing days, if you learn this concept first! Self-Image, is really the way you see yourself! And when we say ‘See,’ that really is how you interpret and think about yourself. It’s not just the factual ways you see yourself, but obviously the Opinion you have of yourself.
We spend a Lot of time trying to manage how Other people see us. In fact, for Most of us, this is a Full Time Job! Managing how other people see us. The way we dress, the kind of house we live in, the kind of car we drive, the way we do anything can be really about other people without even realizing that that’s what we’re doing. I have to say that this used to be me for the longest time, I didn’t even realize it that I was living my life trying to control how other people would think about me. There was a time when I went into the grocery store and I was going to buy some flowers for my house, and I wanted to buy the ones that I most liked, and I didn’t’ really know how to answer to myself of what were my favorite flowers, because I’d always been thinking in terms of what other people would think. What are the flowers that other people would like? Which flowers were most impressive? What are the flowers that people will see and compliment on? But, these flowers were just for me…in my house, no one was going to see them. They were just going to be for me. So if I was just going to enjoy them, what flowers would I Most want to see? And I was stunned that I didn’t know the answer.
I did this same exercise by myself. What if I lived on an island all by myself, and what if I was the only one that saw my body, and I was the only one that would touch my body and looked at my body and experienced my body. What would I most want, on that island, for my body, for that experience? That will really blow your mind to do that kind of work. What bothers you, and why? And, what Doesn’t bother you, that you think should bother you? And what feels the best in your body, and for your body and it’s just a really magical way to access my own opinion. And, I think it’s really fascinating to stop yourself and say, what is your opinion based on about you? Is it based on what other people will think about you? Are we socialized so deeply like I was that it’s all about other people’s opinions and pleasing other people….and being appropriate or being presentable or being like by other people…..and Does that Match with how you Reallly think and feel about yourself?
Since I’ve done so much of the work on myself, through my schooling and studies in transformational health and life coaching, on my self-image and how I think about myself, I’ve gotten to the place where I’m pretty opinionated….about who I am, and my worthiness, and my lovability, my acceptableness, and my unacceptableness, in the world. And, my opinions are so strong, they tend to drown out other people’s opinions. Other people’s opinions aren’t really relevant to me. When it comes to what I wear, my husband’s opinion is kind of relevant to me. I do notice that I want to please him in terms of what I wear. But I’m fine with that, but in terms of what other people think I should wear, or what other people think is appropriate, it doesn’t affect me. And I can be very opinionated about what other people wear, which of course is none of my business and people can wear whatever the hell they want but I will offer my opinion if you ask for it…So that’s my opinion and that’s how I feel about myself, and these are my opinions about myself, and what I like, and my preferences and I stand by them, and then you can release everybody else’s opinions into the world….and you Also recognize that Your opinion about anyone else, is none of Their business. And, if they don’t agree with your opinion, it doesn’t matter at all.
So, here’s an exercise I want you to think about doing: It’s kind of a way to trick your brain into not rejecting the idea that you care what other people about you…because so many of us are so obsessed about what other people think us that we don’t even want to look at it. So here’s what I want you to do….I want you to think about ‘What is Your Dream of how others see you?’ Like, if you could really dictate what everyone’s opinion of you would be, what would it be? And think about the following: Think about the ‘generalized other.’ Which is that group of people that will see you in public. Would they say, Wow! She’s Gorgeous! Wow! She’s Amazing! She’s Smart! What is it that you would want that generalized other, She’s Well Dressed! She’s Thin, (that was mine for the longest time), it was really important to me that when people thought about me, thought about my Thinness! It sounds so ridiculous saying it out loud right now, but, that was super important to me. And, what do you want your Boss to think about you? What about your friends? What do you want your Mom to think about you? What do you want your kids to think about you? Really go to the place, in the Best case scenario, they would think that you were good, and strong and wonderful and capable and talented, and kind, generous, just Go for it! Best case scenario. What do you want them to think about you? And really think about Why you want them to think that about you. Like, I wanted people to think I was thin because I Thought being thin was the answer to the Universe. So, if other people thought that I was thin, then I would have the secret to the Universe. Which, is so funny because when other people thought I was thin, I was like, you’re dumb, I’m fat. What are you talking about? It’s so interesting that even when they did think that, I didn’t believe them anyway. So that’s, part of the exercise is to really understand what you want people to think about you….what do you want your mom to say to you and think about you and feel about you? Your dad! Like, all the people, All the authority figures in your life, what’s your dream come true?
Then, write all of that down, and pay close attention to it. Okay?
And part two: I want you to imagine yourself, fully accomplished, in the things that you most want to do, that you think that would prove your worthiness. So, for some of you, that’s making $100,000.00. For others, it’s having 3 million dollars in your 401K. For some of you it’s selling your software company, for some of you it’s getting a book contract for a million dollars. Whatever it is for you. What do you think that, Oh, if I achieved that, Then, I would be worthy! If I got into Harvard. If I finished the book and it became a best seller. Just let yourself dream. If I found the right husband and had children. What is it you Think will help you arrive at worthiness? What is it you think is an important accomplishment for you to Prove to yourself or to others, that you have lived a worthy life?
Here are the exercises to try:
So, exercise one is: What do you want other people to think about you?
Exercise two is: What is the thing you think you need to achieve to prove your worthiness?
And then, how would you think about yourself is you had achieved it?
How would you think about yourself if you had a best seller? A Huge business? An exit deal? A Gorgeous husband? Beautiful accomplished children? Children who loved you to the moon and back? Whatever it is….How would you Feel, and think, about you, if you had accomplished those.
Now, once you do these two exercises, you’re gonna have a long list of thoughts, that you would love to think about yourself. It’s the Ideal, Self-Image that you can have of you.
When I do this exercise with clients, they often feel uncomfortable about it. They feel like it means they’re narcissistic. And, I Always want to Really clarify the difference, between having a really healthy, positive, self-image of yourself, and being narcissistic. Okay, it is a Huge difference! Or bragging, or being full of yourself…which, whenever someone tells me I’m full of myself, I’m like, Well, who else should I be full of? Right? Obviously, I should be full of myself! I am full of myself. That’s who I am! And I don’t ever apologize for being full of myself. And I am full of myself, and I love myself, and I think I’m amazing, and that’s Without apology.
But here’s the difference: When you are a Narcissist, You think High of Yourself, and low of other people! When you’re Bragging, you’re saying I’m Better than you! That is not what I am suggesting. And that feels terrible by the way. But when you think, I’m worthy, I’m 100% loveable, I’m Amazing….and So Are You! My worthiness doesn’t come from being better than you. My worthiness comes from being Fully me! My worthiness doesn’t come from Earning someone’s positive opinion of me, my worthiness comes from Being Me! Narcissism, is loving yourself at the Expense of others. Versus, loving yourself, to contribute, to others.
Here’s what I’ve noticed to be true in my life. The more I love myself, the more I can contribute! The more I honor myself and take care of myself, the more I have to give. The more I Love myself Genuinely, the more I love other people! Because listen, if I can get over judging myself, and I can get over all my self-loathing, you’re Much easier to love than I ever was for me, that makes it Much more Powerful for me to be in the world.
My Love for myself doesn’t Take Away from other people, it Adds, love to the world! Narcissism is about needing other people to love us, and serve us, and paying attention to us, at Their expense! That is not a high self-image. That’s a Poor self-image. That is, I Love Myself More than I love you and you Need to love me more than you love you. That comes from a Deep Pit of Not Enough-ness! That is the Opposite of what I’m talking about here. Narcissism is about Self Importance. It’s about feeling Entitled to Obsessive Admiration. It’s about wanting to be Recognized as Superior.
Having a positive self-image and a positive opinion of yourself is that you know You’re Important! But you also know that everyone else is too! You know that you can admire yourself, and when you do, it will make it easier to admire other people. It means that you Are Amazing, but you are Not Superior to anyone else, but also no one, is superior to you. It’s humans, and humans, and humans, and we’re all amazing and we’re all great and there is no One human that is more worthy than another.
Narcissism is about Exaggerating your Achievements, Belittling, looking down on others or taking advantage of others. Having a positive, healthy self-image is, bringing up the world when you bring up your opinion of yourself. It’s not about putting others down. It’s about stopping putting yourself down. Narcissist always feel shame and humiliation when they don’t feel perfect or better than….Positive self-image, Knows that you’re not perfect, and that you don’t Need to be. It’s not the point. You are Amazing, Because You’re not perfect! Because you’re human. You don’t feel slighted, or contempt for others when you have a positive self-image, you feel Amazing and wonderful for others.
What’s amazing about a positive self-image, is that in order for you to Choose To Think positive thoughts about yourself, to overcome your primitive primal brain, the part of your brain that seeks negativity, and seeks danger, and seeks worry and doubt and frustration, you will have to Stop listening to that Start talking to it, with your pre-frontal. I used to do mini-triathlons, and I’ll never forget during my training we had an UltraMan come and talk to our group….and if you don’t know what an Ultraman is, it’s an Ironman Times 3!!!
We asked him, How on earth can you do that? And his answer was, ‘I Talk to myself More than I listen to myself!’ I was like, Oh My Gosh, now, That, is one of the Most Profound things that I have Ever heard anyone say! I Talk to Myself, meaning, I Choose what to Think with my Prefrontal Brain, and tell it to my primitive brain, Rather than Listening to my primitive brain. Talk to yourself instead of listening to yourself. I mean, common, It’s just Genius!
So, What do you want to say to yourself? Go back to it. EVERYONE thought, what you wanted to think, and You’ve Already Achieved all the things you want to achieve, How would you want to Think about yourself, if you could think whatever you want? Because I have an Update….You Can
People are like, I don’t want to think that I’m so great. I don’t like people that are always bragging and thinking that they’re so great. People that are always Bragging about how great they are, don’t think they’re great. They think that they have to Prove to you, that they’re great so You’ll think they’re great! That is not what we’re talking about…When you think highly of yourself, you don’t have to tell everyone all the time…unless you’re me, and you’re trying to teach other people how to do it.
Like, when I go out in the regular world, I’m not like, Hey Everyone, I’m Great! I’m Amazing! Have you Noticed? I sure have But even if I did, people would think that it’s funny, because it’s not like I’m amazing and you’re terrible. Sorry for your luck. I’m like, isn’t it amazing to be alive on the planet right now? Isn’t it amazing to be who we are, and have the opportunities that we have?
I was reading in this book called ‘Abundance’ and it was talking about how this time in the world, is the most Amazing, Safest, Longevity, time we’ve Ever lived!!! You’d Never know it, if you listened to news. But like, disease, and how long we can live, and the medical care that we can have, For Most of Us, listening to me, is unsurpassed. Do we still have work to do, Yes! Do we still have to make sure that Everybody has that same opportunity? Absolutely! But in terms of what is available to us, now, it’s Amazing!!!! And being able to look at ourselves, and See how amazing we are, how Lucky we are, and how Wonderous it is, it’s so fun to be alive. For me, and for you.
I don’t know, what you think about you, but I know, it feels a certain way. It either feels Amazing, and Awesome, or it feels Terrible! And that’s 100%, on You! Your feelings, your responsibility. So I want to give you some options, of what you can Choose to think about yourself. Now the Key is, you want to Choose, Thoughts, that You Can Believe! Go into the ‘Thought Dressing Room’ and try on the thoughts, and see which ones work…..I’ll give you a few.
I am a human, and humans are capable of Amazing things.
I have an Invitation to Greatness, because I’m a human on the planet right now.
I have Big Goals, I’m capable of achieving.
I’m 100% Worthy….and Loveable….by Design, Not by decision! This is a HUGE one you guys….If you’ve never heard me say this before, hear me now….You Don’t Get to Decide that you are Unworthy. Worthiness is Not a Decision. It just Is. It’s your Birthright! You Just Are Worthy!!! Period! You can believe that you’re not worthy, but that doesn’t make you any less worthy.
It’s like looking in your bank account and seeing a hundred million dollars in there and deciding that you’re broke! That doesn’t make you broke. You are worthy. And loveable. By design, not by decision.
Here’s one of my favorites: Whatever created me, knew what it was doing! So, if you believe in God, you put, God created me, and he knew what he was doing. The Universe created me, and it knew what it was doing. I was Created, on Purpose! By Design. By beautiful, Amazing Design.
Spend a few minutes, just pondering, the design that is you. Your brain. Your Eyeballs! The veins in your body, your toes, your fingernails…..All of it! Your teeth! I’m telling You, It’s Fricking Crazy how amazing we are! If you were to present a human, as a gift to someone, and like explain it….Like it was an X-Box and you’re explaining a human, like everything that it Is the Human, you’d be like….And it Does This, And it Does That, and it Takes Care of Itself, and it like, manages its own Healing, like you would just be going OFF on how amazing it is. And it Talks! And it grows itself…So fun to think about right? This thing that we have that is us.
That is who we are.
Another thought I have is, Our brains Mean well, but often has ‘thought errors’ about me. Really helps me stay in the place of my Own worthiness. I get to believe, whatever I want about me, without permission. Opinions are optional. They’re not based on some arbitrary rules of reality. I Get to Believe, that I’m beautiful. Weather you think I am or not. I get to believe that. I get to believe if I want, that I’m cute! That I’m strong, that I’m tall! Some people don’t’ think I’m tall, especially when I wear heals. I get to believe that I’m smart. I get to believe that I’m funny Even though my kids Totally disagree. I’m like Listen! I have Proof that I’m funny! I say something, and then I Laugh! Funny! It’s the Only proof I need my friends. I can be sitting alone, and I remember something, do you have this experience? And then I just laugh out loud? By yourself in your car? I think of myself as funny, and awesome, and a great friend, Mother….I think all the great things about me. And I don’t have to check in, with my kids to see if they agree, because their opinion is irrelevant as to what I choose to believe about myself.
And what I find, is that when I believe positive things about myself, then I prove those things true. And when I think negative things about myself, I prove those things true, too. I’m not sticking my head in the sand and not looking at reality. I’m not pretending that I’m Any better than I am. But I want to say that, if that Were the case, that’s so much better than the alternative.
So, if you’re someone who worries about getting too full of themselves, or too Proud of themselves, or Too Into themselves, just remember who your Creator is, and what They think about you! And just Remember, that, the Alternative sucks! And try it. Try having a high self-image of yourself….just for a week…you don’t even have to tell anyone. Just do it privately, secretly, and See how you show up differently! See how you Feel differently. See how your life, is completely, different.
You get to Believe Whatever, you Most want Anyone to believe about you. You don’t have to accomplish anything, you don’t’ have to change your circumstance, you don’t have to lose weight, you don’t have to stop doing Anything…you don’t’ have to put makeup on or a different outfit. You can be just exactly who you are and change how you think about you.
Try it out my friends.
Please leave me a comment or share this with a friend that you think could benefit from this message, and I’ll be talking to you soon!